venting

what is it that makes me feel so much guilt when i try to break ties and make new bindings with the tassels of the old? is it so wrong for me to think that my beliefs deserve so much time and effort to not be considered easy? is it wrong of me to feel that i owe more to the one who spoke me and the world into existence than what he asks for? should i feel guilty for questioning my elders? why do i have to be seen as something preprogrammed by everything around me? why is it that i look for everyone else's approval and look past the only approval that makes a difference? what if i don't want to be the shining model of other's ideals and beliefs? why is it wrong for me to blend in and stand out of the crowd in the same motion? why do i have to be labeled as something just because i have certain beliefs?